December 21, 2011
During the day of David Archuleta’s Mormon Tabernacle Choir performance, standing in line, then entering the Conference Centre, it is curious that I feel none of the usual butterflies of anticipation to hear David sing nor the anxiety for him to do well. I have too much on my mind for me to write more now.
December 28, 2010
The entire MoTab experience has only now begun to make its effects known to me. All the memories that come and go in my mind create a wealth of happiness and joy in my heart and soul. How is it that David can continue to so profoundly move me?
The sharing of the experience with other fans, who I consider friends – old and new – only serves to heighten the euphoria. Yet, I experienced none of the “let down” often associated with a high. Could it be that because I came home to a family crisis, which has now turned into a potentially long term journey, the low was averted? I think not, however, because I feel intensely that the MoTab experience prepared me for what I was to face upon arriving home. Only now can I actually identify the change in me that is a result of my witness to the extraordinary event that was David being a part of this year’s MoTab Christmas.
I feel an intense CALM within me. An inner PEACE that provides me with the ability to accept what has happened, that leaves me with less of the chronic pain I normally live with, and thus allows me a greater ability to be there for my family. Quite honestly I have no words to describe this transformation. But, oh, I pray for its deliverance to me and thank God for giving me David’s healing presence for the second time in my life when I needed him most.
January 1, 2011
I long to identify that which I feel…. Is it the Spirit that descended upon me that weekend? It is not tangible. Should I even question its identity, rather just accept? I analyze too much.
January 5, 2011
Mom and I had another great talk. She is forgetting more now, but it allows me to repeat to her – and to myself – those feelings that are most at the surface right now. It begets a reassurance of sorts – the kind that David has eluded to when he comments that to give daily thanks to God is to be closer to him. I feel this, in turn, allows you to remember what is most important in life. Am I scared to feel closer to Him? Is that why I am asking myself so many questions? Or, am I finally “getting it” by finding reassurance in the answers that are revealed to me?
January 7, 2011
Now I relish in the fact that I am now more spiritually aware. This feeling is not going away – something that I think I was very afraid was going to happen. It will carry me through whatever is put in my path.
I will continue to reflect daily, with the help of David’s music:
- In trying to create happiness in the current world of despair by thinking of others first.
- On the things that really matter in this life.
- Acknowledging that God is responsible for what I have and to be thankful for it.
My mom is still in hospital and likely to be so for a while – doctors say these things take time, if her body is willing. Her inner strength continues to inspire me.
I am grateful for however much time my mom and I will have left together.
I am grateful to be able to listen to David’s music daily.
I am grateful to God for guiding me to this awareness.
My diary entries will not end here, nor will my continued Spiritual Journey.…