Dear Diary: My MoTab Miracle


December 21, 2011

During the day of David Archuleta’s Mormon Tabernacle Choir performance, standing in line, then entering the Conference Centre, it is curious that I feel none of the usual butterflies of anticipation to hear David sing nor the anxiety for him to do well.  I have too much on my mind for me to write more now.

Source: MoTab FB

December 28, 2010
The entire MoTab experience has only now begun to make its effects known to me.  All the memories that come and go in my mind create a wealth of happiness and joy in my heart and soul.  How is it that David can continue to so profoundly move me?

The sharing of the experience with other fans, who I consider friends – old and new – only serves to heighten the euphoria.   Yet, I experienced none of the “let down” often associated with a high.  Could it be that because I came home to a family crisis, which has now turned into a potentially long term journey, the low was averted?   I think not, however, because I feel intensely that the MoTab experience prepared me for what I was to face upon arriving home.  Only now can I actually identify the change in me that is a result of my witness to the extraordinary event that was David being a part of this year’s MoTab Christmas.

I feel an intense CALM within me.  An inner PEACE that provides me with the ability to accept what has happened, that leaves me with less of the chronic pain I normally live with, and thus allows me a greater ability to be there for my family.  Quite honestly I have no words to describe this transformation.  But, oh, I pray for its deliverance to me and thank God for giving me David’s healing presence for the second time in my life when I needed him most.

January 1, 2011
I long to identify that which I feel…. Is it the Spirit that descended upon me that weekend?  It is not tangible.  Should I even question its identity, rather just accept?  I analyze too much.

January 5, 2011
Mom and I had another great talk.  She is forgetting more now, but it allows me to repeat to her – and to myself – those feelings that are most at the surface right now.  It begets a reassurance of sorts – the kind that David has eluded to when he comments that to give daily thanks to God is to be closer to him. I feel this, in turn, allows you to remember what is most important in life.  Am I scared to feel closer to Him?  Is that why I am asking myself so many questions?  Or, am I finally “getting it” by finding reassurance in the answers that are revealed to me?

Was it all just a beautiful dream? @abanana77, Awestruck, Mr. Awestruck, Refnaf & Sunshine in Temple Square.

January 7, 2011
Now I relish in the fact that I am now more spiritually aware.  This feeling is not going away – something that I think I was very afraid was going to happen.  It will carry me through whatever is put in my path.

I will continue to reflect daily, with the help of David’s music:

  • In trying to create happiness in the current world of despair by thinking of others first.
  • On the things that really matter in this life.
  • Acknowledging that God is responsible for what I have and to be thankful for it.

My mom is still in hospital and likely to be so for a while – doctors say these things take time, if her body is willing.  Her inner strength continues to inspire me.

I am grateful for however much time my mom and I will have left together.

I am grateful to be able to listen to David’s music daily.

I am grateful to God for guiding me to this awareness.

My diary entries will not end here, nor will my continued Spiritual Journey.…

Awestruck

This entry was posted in Fan experience and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Dear Diary: My MoTab Miracle

  1. Kizzi says:

    Awestruck: Thank you for sharing such a poignant and personal reflection. I am so sorry to hear about your mother’s ill health. Caring for ailing parents is a blessing and also makes us dig deep inside ourself for new found depths and look outside ourself for strength.

    And, I agree totally about MoTab. No matter one’s personal beliefs, attending the concert and hearing David perform with MoTab was a unique and highly spiritual experience. Makes me realize the universality of God and the path we take to realize our relationship with him matters not, it’s just that we do.

    Happy New Year my friend. And I wish your Mother comfort and peace.

  2. lisa says:

    Hi Awestruck, remember me?? I sat by you at David’s solo tour concert in UTAHHH! i’m so glad you also got in for the motab experience, i was there Saturday!!. So sorry to hear about your mom. My husband was dx. w/ cancer in oct. and i can totally relate to your bullet points, I really like what you wrote. One song that i sing a lot in my mind is “things are going to get better.” Hope they do for both of us! 🙂

  3. peppertara says:

    Awestruck….thank you for sharing…such a very heartfelt and beautiful post. I can understand how David and MoTab helped prepare you for trying times at home (even though I wasn’t there to experience it, I think I can imagine some of what you felt).

    One of the things some people don’t quite understand about David is that along with his extraordinary gift of music that he shares and astounds us with, he also shares…even at his young age, a depth of compassion, understanding and a kind spiritual light that attracts you like a magnet…if you are receptive to it. Is it any wonder that his fans love him so much.
    I am so glad that you were there to experience it all and to return home with those feelings of peace and inner conviction and strength. Hold on to those feelings my friend.
    My thoughts and prayers go out to your mother and I wish her much peace and strength too and to you…I wish you continued peace and strength amidst those difficult times we all experience throughout our lives.
    You are right though, much to be thankful for…..I feel the same way. As Kizzi said..”.no matter one’s personal beliefs.” Each has their own personal connection and understanding and we are all on a spiritual journey of self discovery and a discovery of our connection with one another and with the divine, whatever that may be to each one. I love how you put this:
    “Now I relish in the fact that I am now more spiritually aware. This feeling is not going away – something that I think I was very afraid was going to happen. It will carry me through whatever is put in my path.”
    Yes, it will carry you through and isn’t it a blessing to have David added to our lives, it was certainly meant to be….that added joy and inspiration, was definitely meant to be.
    Thank you for sharing Awestruck, you have given me things to reflect upon too. Wish you much comfort and peace. ❤ and hugs.

    and Lisa…sorry to hear about your husband, wish the same for him (and you) too. ❤

  4. TOfan says:

    {{{Awestruck}}} You always speak/write from the heart and never more so than in this post, thank you so much for sharing this … I’m so sorry to hear about your mom’s condition, but glad your experience in SLC is helping you cope and to be strong for her and your family.

    “The entire MoTab experience has only now begun to make its effects known to me” … I can totally relate and I can only imagine the positive ripple effects that will continue to be felt once the DVD comes out and the powerful love and hope that comes through in each one of David’s songs is felt around the world.

    Lisa, so sorry to hear your husband is ill… when I first heard “Things Are Gonna Get Better” my first thought was that David wrote it as a response to all the heartfelt letters he gets from fans, as a way to tell us to hold on and not lose hope. *hugs*

  5. TOfan says:

    This is WAY off topic, but I thought it was kinda cool.

    Mashup of Jay Sean & TOSOD:

    • TOfan says:

      Another off-topic item:
      HAMILTON, N.J. — Armed with three computers, two hard drives and a microphone, Gino DiPierro is on a mission to deliver what he says terrestrial radio won’t — family-friendly music with real variety.
      A glance at the musical playlist in his makeshift studio reveals the blueprint of his vision — music by High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens, Johnny Mathis, The Ozark Mountain Daredevils, Howie Day, ABC, Belinda Carlisle, The Eagles, Redbone, David Archuleta, and The Carpenters are all coming up on HamiltonRadio.net — DiPierro’s musical experiment that has blossomed into an online addiction for thousands of listeners.

      Rest HERE. … wonder if he has TOSOD?!?!

      And request HERE.

      • Kizzi says:

        TOfan – to add to this line of off-topic thought I was watching a YT video from “The Sing Off” where a 6 man gospel a cappella group, Committed, won. Nicole Scherzinger, one of the judges, (lead singer for the Pussy Cat Dolls) told them after their performance of Michael Jackson’s and Akon’s “Hold My Hand” that she thought the music industry and listeners were looking for their kind of music….

        She is all choked up and at 4:40 she says – “what makes you very special is that you have a very specific message…one that is of a deep love and light and I think that the world is craving that right now…” hmmmm….who else does that sentence identify??

        They certainly hit a sweet spot for audiences with their POP music performances on the show. Another one to watch if interested is their version of “Apologize” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UiNP9Cr-Lk

        BTW, when these judges deliver their critiques, it’s done with honesty and compassion. Shawn Stockman (Boys2Men) delivers the harshest critiques, in my opinion, and that is done extremely well. And they all get to perform with finalists which is also cool as they have to put their selves on the line for at least one performance and deliver. No armchair “quarterbacking” if you will. They put their money where their mouths are.

        The Sing Off is quite refreshing from the YouTubes I saw of it and it only runs a couple of weeks.

        I think we have gone past the most tolerated extreme in music (and reality TV for that matter) and, now, we are seeing a swing to what the majority of audiences want to see and/or listen to.

        And I think David is on the forward curve of this swing to upbeat, real music trend. Yes, it’s reality, too, for most of us creatures who listen, see and buy entertainment. Who says reality is only the negative in the extreme? Maybe it has sold and gotten ratings but it has experienced it’s glory days and we consumers are moving on.

        It will be interesting to see the twists and turns of this as it unfolds over the next 10-20 years. 😀

      • Kizzi says:

        Also,if you what to pursue further, note the first judge, Ben Folds, (an American singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, and the former frontman of the alternative rock band Ben Folds Five who now performs as a solo artist and collaborates with many other musicians) comments before Nichole’s. He says “….how can you be such nice guys and be that good…being that good is supposed to make you mean…”

        Interesting comment from a recognized music industry insider with longevity…and I love the recognition that Mean = Good which has translated to Cool. And that’s changing, right before our eyes. I foresee….. Nice = Good and translates to Cool. 😀

        Enough of my prognosticating… happy Sunday to all. 😀 😀 😀

      • awestruck says:

        thanks for this TOfan, it looks like something I will enjoy … later

      • awestruck says:

        Kizzi – hubby and I watched The Sing Off this past December, and what a refreshing thing it was to hear the judges actually giving constructive critiques…. I so hope that you are right and that reality TV is swinging in the ‘right’ direction.

      • TOfan says:

        Kizzi, thank you!!!! I’ve seen a couple of episodes of Sing Off & loved it, for the reasons you mention (but somehow missed this awesome group!). I so hope you’re right… that David’s on the forward curve of a trend toward real music that (as JLo pointed out), makes you feel something … and in David’s case, even if you’re weeping as he sings, you ultimately feel better.

        I’m a fan of Montreal’s Arcade Fire, and when their album topped the Billboard charts, I was encouraged that even a quirky band that’s not radio-friendly at all, but is all about the music — real music, with actual instruments and everything! 🙂 — could be successful.

  6. abanana77 says:

    {{{awestruck}}} Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m very sorry about your mother and her health, but am glad you have David to help you through it. I have been extremely lucky and have never (yet) had to deal with serious illness in my family and I’m scared that when I eventually will have to, I will not be able to handle it. Your words have inspired me and hopefully I can be as brave and strong as you are when I am faced with these challenges. Thank you!

    IMO being a David fan will absolutely bring you on a spiritual journey. A few years ago, I was flipping through a bible when I came to a verse that said “But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control”, and immediately after I read it I thought of David. All those words describe him perfectly. All those things practically ooze out of him. It made me think about things which eventually led to my own little spiritual journey. I am extremely thankful for David and his music. They’ve done more for me than I could ever describe.

  7. Sunshine says:

    {{{Awestruck}} Thanks for sharing the diary account of your thoughts and feelings over the past few weeks. It seems as though nothing prepares us for some of the most difficult times in our lives. Or at least that’s what I used to think. I’ve learned that strength comes from many small experiences and influences that we don’t realize we’ve collected along the way. Sometimes in a crisis it takes all we have just to put one foot in front of the other. Other days, we feel strong enough to give everything we have to a loved one. But every day is an opportunity to love and learn. I wish the best for you and your family.

    TOfan – that song is very cool and very relevant. There are so many lines in TOSOD that are like little life buoys. I like … ‘I think I spot a silver lining hiding in the grey’.

    Happy Sunday.

  8. awestruck says:

    mega HUGS to all – I can’t tell you how much your collective words have made me feel. I have read and re-read… If someone were to have told me pre-Archuleta that I would be blogging on the internet, let alone feel ‘at home’ enough to share my inner most feelings, well, it speaks to the enormous comfort level that I feel here. Also, recognizing that my fan-made friends are true friends indeed and that their support provides me with a support all their own. If my words have given you pause, food for thought, comfort in some way – then my goal was accomplished in sharing with you.

    Kizzi – “Makes me realize the universality of God and the path we take to realize our relationship with him matters not, it’s just that we do.” I ‘left’ the Catholic church many years ago, but faith has not deserted me; and now ‘I just do’

    Lisa – Yes I do indeed remember a kindness sitting/standing beside me for David’s first solo tour in SLC, though abashedly I probably wouldn’t be able to recognize you. Unfortunate that we did not meet up again this time… but let’s try to make it happen in the future. Despite sad circumstance there are positives making themselves known already. SO SO sorry to hear about your husband. TAGGB, yes I have hope that the will for both of us.

    Peppertara – “One of the things some people don’t quite understand about David is that along with his extraordinary gift of music that he shares and astounds us with, he also shares…even at his young age, a depth of compassion, understanding and a kind spiritual light that attracts you like a magnet…if you are receptive to it.” I will have to remember these words when trying to explain to others just what it is that drew me to David from the first time I saw him.

    Tofan – I do believe that we will all continue to reap the benefits for years to come. I can hardly wait for the CD/DVD release… so many on my Christmas list.

    Abanana – I love that verse and yes it does so describe David. We can only try our best to emulate his example. Admitting to a Spiritual Journey is something I never thought I would be to actually say ‘out loud’ and be comfortable with… “All those things practically ooze out of him. It made me think about things which eventually led to my own little spiritual journey. I am extremely thankful for David and his music. They’ve done more for me than I could ever describe.” Yeah, I am sure we can all relate to this in our own way.

    Sunshine – “I’ve learned that strength comes from many small experiences and influences that we don’t realize we’ve collected along the way.” Thank you for this – I will try to never miss even what seem to be the smallest and most inconsequential moments in my life anymore.

  9. TOfan says:

    Newsflash, Justin Bieber just tweeted a link to this YouTube (to his 6.5+ MILLION followers!) … it’s a JB fan video using TMH! lol

    Also, just saw this on Twitter (thanks, @DebVa_FOD!), a sweet blog from a mom whose little daughter met David while he was snowboarding! Adorbs!

    http://getyourownmom.blogspot.com/2009/06/first-crush.html

  10. lisa says:

    Thanks all, we are prayerful and hopeful that things will get better, I love how David’s music connects us all in so many ways. And Tofan and all here is the snowboarding pic!!
    Looks like David has made one of his new years resolutions….SWEET

  11. emmegirl says:

    Awestruck, I am in awe of your openness, honesty and courage.
    Thank you so much for sharing this. Prayers to you and yours.

  12. vermeer says:

    awestruck, thank you for sharing with everyone your very personal feelings even if they are related to David and our mutual love for David, the singer and the remarkable person that he is. I am sorry to know there is now a family crisis you are faced with and I pray for all the best for your mother. But I believe as you say, David is a gift to you (and us all) and you were open to receive it.

  13. refnaf says:

    ((((((awestruck)))))) This is a beautiful sharing of your heart, thank you soooo much. I fear ever writing out what I have experienced, it is too hard to explain or understand. I appreciate that you have done so, your Motab miracle is amazing. I will keep you and your mom and your family in my heart and thoughts. You are as inspiring as David is. “I will continue to reflect daily, with the help of David’s music”<<< Ditto…

    I have recently made some life changing decisions and I am not sure how, (need more reflection) but I know that my David experience has played a part in my journey. Will share more down the road! The bridge from Elevator kinda fits me right now:

    You’ll never know
    What you’re gonna get
    What you don’t expect will come and find you
    If you laugh or cry
    If you run and hide
    But it’s all right

    It really is more than all right!

    Thankful for this place ****waves**** and ((((hugs))) to all.

  14. Tawna21 says:

    awestruck, {{hugs & prayers}} to you and your family as you move forward, and probably some days backward, on this journey that you are on. I was so glad to see you in SLC. I have found your journal entries to be very heartwarming and so close to alot of the same feelings that I have felt. It’s so wonderful that we have David’s music and example to buoy us up in our times of need.
    You are so good to be keeping a journal. I keep threatening to start back up, but can’t seem to get on that track.

    Tawna

  15. emmegirl says:

    Tofan, thanks for the Hamiltonradio.net info, definitely gonna check it out.
    Interesting about the JB video, lol! Love that when 6.5 mil tweeters search for the song “Touch My Hand” they are gonna see D!

    Tofan, kizzi, thanks for your posts on “real” music making inroads, its about time! Hope that trend continues.

  16. awestruck says:

    emmegirl, vermeer, refnaf, tawna – thank you…

  17. TOfan says:

    New post/thread!

    🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s