If David ran the Winter Olympics,
He could teach everyone to say “Oh My Heck” in 55 different languages.
He’d be the only person who knew the top Billboard hits from every country.
The buzz would be…”Who is that guy? He actually glows!”
All athletes uniforms would come from Walmart … in plaid.
The athletes would all go home believing that world peace was actually possible.
Everyone who did their personal best would get some sort of medal.
The podium would be adjusted for short athletes so they’d look taller.
The ice dancing uniforms would be a heck of a lot more modest.
There would be “some snow” but not too much — oh wait, nevermind, that’s already the case.
Smoothies and pad thai would be the “Breakfast & Lunch of Champions” in Olympic Village.
He would provide sharpies for the ladies figure-skating judges.
The Olympic mascot would be Totoro.
Texting and hunkerdowns would become demonstration sports.
The Games would come in under budget for the first time in Olympic history due to Gold Medal thriftiness.
Doping tests would screen for caffeine and sushi.
They’d always take place in Utah.
Lupe would try to convince David to join her for a surprise salsa ice-dance.
Bobsleighs would be equipped with GPS.
Have your own ideas?
Post them in the comments or send via email (see sidebar) by Feb. 21 to be entered in a SnowAngelz draw to win a pair of these Olympic mittens!