If David’s beard could talk

Screen Shot 2018-10-01 at 1.18.27 PMDear Diary,

I know it’s unusual for facial hair to keep a diary but, hey, we all need to express ourselves from time to time, right?

And my experiences have been so fraught with tension and drama, lately … lots of close shaves, if you will… that I need a way to keep my equilibrium and not turn white overnight.

Not sure if that’s my biggest fear, or the terror that strikes every morning when I wonder if today will be the day I face the blade in the steady left hand of D’Arch.

It gives life a certain vitality, I will say that.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how blessed I am. I get to be part of something amazing. I get a front row seat to that Voice, to every songwriting session, to every far-flung place my man visits, and I even get to sample some great meals if he really goes at ’em with gusto.

I try to be as supportive as I can, to provide some warmth to that Face, protection for The Dimple, some style, a hint of coolness that says, “I’m an artist, y’all.”

But hey, I have big dreams too… to be featured on an album cover someday, a magazine spread, a Manila miniserie… I know, I know, getting ahead of myself (yes, that pun was intended).

As much as I try to live in the moment, I can’t help but look forward to a hairier future… to go from light shadow to scruff to (dare I say it)Β a massive hipster beard.

“NOOOO!” you say. “WHY COVER THAT GLORIOUS FACE??!” you say.

I hear your screams, I feel your pain, I do… well, not exactly, I am merely stubble after all, but try to see things from my perspective.

Remember how painful it was to say goodbye to David for two whole years? Imagine how I feel when he slices through me and washes me down the drain. Not fun.

Should he collect me in little lockets and sell me on his merch table? Slightly creepy, so, no. But it would definitely be fun for me to do some travelling and meet more people.

I’m not stupid as beards go (don’t even get me started on Grizzly Adams)… I know D’s just toying with me… that I’m a passing fling… a temporary phase of hirsute grooming… a sampler in the ever-exciting style incarnations brought to you by David 2.0 (hello, shorts on stage?? alert the media!) … so I plan on making the most of this phase. Claiming the spotlight that is rightfully mine. Going where no scruff has gone before.

Do NOT count me out, my friends. As I wait for this train, I stand at full attention… especially around that chiselled jaw line.

For I am a lion cub’s mane. Hear me roar!

Screen Shot 2018-10-01 at 1.18.03 PM.png

(Credits:Β photo 1; photo 2)



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15 Responses to If David’s beard could talk

  1. passwrdtaken ( Marie ) says:
  2. rarchiefan says:

    OH so funny, thank you for the laugh! Some day stubble in trouble or maybe double! πŸ™‚

  3. dangitdavid says:

    Bahaha love this!!!! πŸ€£πŸ™ŒπŸΌβ€οΈ

  4. emmegirl14 says:

    πŸ˜‚ ❀️ 😝
    Sadly, me thinks the sun will go down on the β€œhealthy” five o’clock shadow before the Christmas tour.

  5. Anonymous says:


  6. ray says:

    I love it lol very good keep it up love this site and all of you, ps, anonymousabove was me droped keyboard lol

  7. You are amazing Deb, your imagination!!! Just love love love all of it. As always ❀

  8. Shirley Cook says:

    Oh this is the best EVER! You’ve done it again! I’m completely in love with you and your humor! Doubled over in laughter! Thank you!πŸ‘πŸ™Œβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ™ŒπŸ‘

  9. Shirley Cook says:

    Deb you need to send this to David. He would get a kick out of this! Also have you EVER thought of putting all of these in a book? It would be a best seller friend! Just saying!

  10. Pepper says:

    Love the talking beard, haha! As always, sooooo…..humorous and so creatively written!
    “For I am a lion cub’s mane. Hear me roar!” We hear ya, lol. I also have a feeling the the lovely beard and facial hair will be gone by the time tour starts…but you never know.
    I agree…..you could put a terrific book of your oh so funny posts together Deb, what a great read, haha.

    • missbianca says:

      Farewell beard, we hardly knew ya.

      But you made us laugh our whiskers* off.

      * Word substitution because #familyfriendly

  11. refnaf says:

    I love this to the moon and back!!!!!!

  12. Jaja..How funny this beard is and what imagination it has…πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸŒΈ

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