The true story of @DavidArchie’s NZ adventure (not really)

The Shire with the Party Tree and all. Where are my Lord of the Rings fans at? #MiddleEarth #NewZealand #Hobbiton

A post shared by David Archuleta (@davidarchie) on

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In honour of David’s NZ trip and LOTR fanboying, I’m reposting a story I shared a while back for the lovely Refnaf’s May birthday (she’s Team LOTR, I’m Team Harry Potter, lol). Enjoy!

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Ref: In honour of your love for all things Lord of the Rings, here’s a little David Archuleta-themed Frodo-esque story for your special day! πŸ™‚

Counting Davids Character David Archuleta as Frodo

As David the Humble humbly swaggered his way through the Shire, he had a song in his heart … make that two… or maybe six.

He loved to stop and sing at each cottage he passed, especially if a widow or orphan lived within … or a feisty daughter of a prostitute who liked to fly kites.

But on this day, David the Humble had no time to stop and serenade the shirefolk. He had an important mission he was tasked with… no not that mission, another mission.

‘Twas up to him and only him to take the powerful ring to Mount Doom. Yes! The Ring. The precious golden orb engraved with the letters CTR…

…not because of its powers but because he saw a notice on Craigslist that someone lost it and even though the guy lived 1,000 Miles away, it was the right thing to do…. plus, there was a reward: free dragon rides.

Humble David tried wearing the Ring on his right hand for safekeeping but couldn’t stop playing with it. His hand broke out in a rash — worse than when Paula Abdul gave him that sparkly bracelet after Hobbit Idol.

He hurried back to his cottage to ready for the journey. He filled his satchel with mangoes, almonds, 30 Costco sample cups of Kashi cereal, and his trusted copy of The Alchemist … not to read, but as a weapon… he’d sprung for hardcover!

As he entered the enchanted forest, he sang quietly to himself to steel his courage. Two verses of “Wizard Moves Like Jagger” and the chorus of “Everybody Wants to Rule Middle-Earth.” Now he felt ready to take on any foe… except maybe Nicki Minaj, she frightened even Voldemort (oops, wrong book).

At the edge of the woods, our skinny-jeans hero spied a tiny, familiar face!

“Almond!!!”

The squirrel scurried over. But as David the Humble bent down to give Almond an almond, the irony struck him and he spontaneously belted out “Isn’t it ironiiiiiiic?!” Shaking the leaves on all the trees.

Denied his promised snack, Almond was furious. His eyes flashed as red as the fiery pits of Mordor and he glared at the golden Ring. Almond lunged onto Humble David’s hand and tried to pry off the Ring with his uncommonly long squirrel fangs.

After a struggle, Humble David hit Almond with an oar, gave him a glare that would melt ice, called him a hob-knocker, and flung him off into the forest. Then he ran cross-country all the way to Mordor… with only one minor collapse and a rest stop at a welcoming medieval medical centre in the glens.

Out of breath and sweating like a wild boar, he finally reached his destination, tossed the ring at its owner and they all lived Hobbitly ever after.

Β p.s. Feeling a tad psychic at the moment, lol.

p.p.s.
MOAAAAAAR PICS!
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David Archuleta! #davidarchuleta #lds #TOFW #TimeOutForWomen

A post shared by Kat Tamaseu (@kat_tamaseu) on

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Hold the phone, stop the presses, take a seat… Cutest David + baby pic ever:
Baby: “omigosh he really does glow… Mum, can I keep him??”
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PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of my absolute faves from Begin (2nd only to Broken, tied with TC)… we MUST HAVE the full video… why isn’t Gina posting full video??? Oh that’s right, His Humbleness *sobs*
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BSMS snippet
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24 Responses to The true story of @DavidArchie’s NZ adventure (not really)

  1. oliveoil says:

    Another reason I love being a fan of David…………….Getting to read your epicness !!!
    Just wondering. Do you write professionally in the Otherworld ? You know, non archuland?

  2. TaterZen says:

    Smiling here. Broadly. This is definitely worthy of a rerun and chockfull of fun memories. ❀

  3. rohdegirl says:

    Hmmm, Is it right that I got all of your innuendoes.

  4. ray says:

    again a master piece

  5. Mary Dee says:

    I love your brain πŸ™‚ You are the best!!! πŸ™‚

  6. refnaf says:

    Oh gosh TOfan!!! What an awesome reread!! Just love it!!!
    New pics are pretty awesome too!!
    (((((Hugs)))))) all around! Good things are coming!!

  7. angelofdja says:

    TOfan, Loved it before LOVE it again! Even more this time! We’re getting closer now, closer! WOOT! WOOT!

  8. Grammyj says:

    Somehow I missed it the first time around so it was new to me. Thanks for reposting it at this appropriate time.

  9. TOfan says:

    Added some gems to the end of the post…

    I would have loved to hear his intro for Pride (which I LOOOVE btw), I always wondered about D’s reasons for including it on Begin… the song was inspired by Martin Luther King, apparently.

  10. peppertara says:

    Oh it’s great to re-read one of your Masterpieces TOfan, such fun, haha! So nice that we are getting photos, videos, etc. and he sang “Pride”, wonderful. Yes, would have loved the whole video too. Inspired by Martin Luther King…one of my heroes.
    The photo of D with the baby is priceless, pure joy!

  11. cc halo says:

    It may be politically incorrect to say, but I like David’s version of “Pride” better than the original. I never liked U2’s twangy guitars on this song. I would rank it among my top two /three on the album as well.

    Since he stated that BEGIN was about his mission decision, I think that part of the reason for including it may have to do with David’s own religious tradition and stories of martyrdom (Joseph Smith) as well as the idea of missionaries, and of course others, sacrificing to help others.

  12. marin says:

    Somehow I missed this post the first time around too so thank you for reposting, I am laughing myself silly. “His hand broke out in a rash β€” worse than when Paula Abdul gave him that sparkly bracelet after Hobbit Idol.” Funny funny stuff. And that photo with the baby and your caption, still chuckling!

  13. missbianca says:

    I am slayed twice over, once by His Awesomeness, and once by you delightful post.

    Okay, I tried to stay remote but…anyone going to Idaho Falls?

  14. TOfan says:

    *warning* he gets choked up at the end… which gets me every time…

    From here: http://www.mormonnewsroom.org.nz/article/american-idol-finalist-to-mormon-missionaries-%C2%A0-%E2%80%98small-and-simple-things-matter-

    Plus, random, but I ❀ Stephen Colbert and this article reminds me why… great piece, great guy:
    http://www.gq.com/story/stephen-colbert-gq-cover-story

  15. Anonymous says:

    interesting article… sometimes I wonder if this concern factors into David’s approach to his career… his gift is precious to him… and to us!

    “Why Are So Many Singers Suffering From Vocal-Cord Injuries? A Leading Surgeon Explains”
    http://www.vulture.com/2015/08/surgeon-explains-vocal-cord-injuries.html

  16. TOfan says:

    There’s something about David and marsupials, isn’t there? πŸ™‚

    Source.

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