Fasten your seatbelts as three SnowAngelz tell their harrowing tales of cross-border life in the David Lane.
Never in my previous non-ODD life, have I ever “crossed over” the divide between our lovely countries as often as I have in the past year. Canada and the U.S. may share the longest unguarded border in the world, but I, on the other hand, feel very guarded with every venture.
Will the questions asked reveal the real reason for my trip? Will they proceed from “Where are you headed?” to “Whose concert??” at breakneck speed? Will the border guard notice the hesitancy in my voice as I wait for the inevitable “That little guy from A.I.?” or “David who??”
My biggest fear is that I may answer, “I am going to see The David, The Only David, The Best David,” and may even be tempted to add “My David!!!”
On my way to see David Archuleta’s summer tour stop in Hershey, P.A., the customs person was the most encouraging I have met so far. He not only knew who David was, but proceeded to “grill” me about what Cook was up to lately and even asked “What about that girl who could really belt it out?”
Then he started chatting about pre-A.I. 7 seasons. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that my Idol knowledge was limited to Season 7. I mumbled some inanities about Simon Cowell (feeling like I was locked into a game of A.I. Trivial Pursuit) and looked for TOfan, who I was sure must have been wondering why I was getting the “interrogation.” As I finally got away, I had to smile…. only in America.
I could never be a drug mule. Not because I’m above all that crime business, but because of the panicked look that takes over my face every time I cross the border. I’m convinced I’ll somehow “fit the profile,” be strip-searched and held for further questioning … just ’cause.
So for me, of all the “firsts” I’ve experienced as a David fan, voluntarily subjecting myself to border-guard scrutiny in order to get to a concert has to be the most nerve-wracking.
Yes, I could just vaguely tell them I’m visiting friends, but experience has taught me honesty is the best policy when faced with federal offenses or, gasp, missing David’s show. But you try travelling with fellow ODDers and answering the inevitable, “How do you all know each other?”
I’ve found that a quick “we’re friends going to a concert” works best. It is (a) the truth and (b) avoids having to explain hooking up with strangers online (it was hard enough to type that, never mind say it out loud to an armed official).
In the scenario Refnaf described above, I had no idea her “interrogator” was an Idol buff. He had her chatting so long I figured he didn’t believe we were flying Stateside just for a concert and we’d miss our flight … or worse. Beads of perspiration collected on my brow as he called me forward for my turn in the hot seat.
“So,” he said, leaning back in his chair, one eyebrow raised. “David Archuleta, huh?”
“Yes,” I gulped. “He’s good!”
“Ya, I know,” he nodded, handing back my passport. “Have a safe trip.”
Although I’ve had the good fortune to travel a great deal in my life, I’d never been apprehensive at any border crossing. That is, until I contracted ODD.
Suddenly I was a regular at airports, ferry crossings, bus stations and immigration checkpoints — destination: David, anywhere USA.
I could feel the sweat trickle down my back when an immigration official asked me to produce my Jingle Ball ticket before entering Buffalo on a Greyhound bus. I felt equally uncomfortable when asked to explain why I had been to New Jersey when I had not gone on business and had neither friends nor family there.
Ummm, well, you see … I went to a music concert, sir. Are you a singer, he asked? blah! Ummmm…no, I went to hear someone else. Oh, man… here it comes. Who, he asked? David Archuleta (sotto voce). Did you purchase any tobacco? Whew! Off the hook again.
I’m sure that one day the customs card will offer three options for the question, “What is the main purpose of your visit?”: 1. Personal. 2. Business. 3. ODD. Who am I kidding? I love the secret, exhilarating life of a well-travelled SnowAngel.
Essential cross-border packing list:
- Passport (keep up-to-date at all times)
- Canadian flags (part of master plan to hypnotize David during concert so he’ll feel the uncontrollable urge to tour Canada)
- Concert tickets (for professional nosy parkers aka border guards)
- Those strange-looking bills that are all the same colour
- iPod and laptop (for obvious reasons)