You know the feeling you get when you realize you’ve been having an affair without noticing it? Well, you probably don’t know since it sounds ridiculous, but I swear to the Archuleta that it happened to me today.
I realized I’ve spent every day with this gorgeous guy, who makes me laugh, cry, smile (nowadays often simultaneously) and furrow my eyebrows in an attempt to understand how the heck anyone can produce sounds so beautiful that actual honey starts dripping out of my ears. And the guy is not my fiance. Oh no. But it’s not my fault. Really. Just read on and see how this guy has snuck into my life without me being able to stop him.
I wake up, get angry with the dude who invented mornings, and go downstairs. As I make a little porridge and yell at anyone who tries to talk to me before noon, I turn on the computer and read today’s news online. The bookmarks for all of David’s fansites are under the one of Iltalehti-magazine, so obviously it’s convenient to click on one (or five) of them, just to quickly see what’s new. After about two hours I realize I’m still in my pyjamas watching a vlog. I go upstairs to change, and spend a moment admiring the posters of David I have in my walk-in closet.
My phone rings, and it’s the tune for general callers (Something ’bout Love) so it could be anyone. As it turns out, it’s a person selling magazines. Of course I politely refuse to buy anything.
Alrighty then, time to hit the gym. Today I decide to walk, so I attach earpieces to my cellphone and listen to David-remixes all the way to the gym. Ironically while listening to “Zero Gravity” I’ve never felt so heavy, as the baby kicks and punches me repeatedly to my bladder and I have to tell myself I don’t have to pee for another two kilometres.
When I get home, I remember I have to rip off the wallpaper in the baby’s room, ’cause my dad promised to help me paint the walls. I put on TOSOD ’cause obviously the job gets done much faster when listening to good music. As David sings “Baby I can’t complain,” I kick the pile of shredded wallpaper on the floor and give up. David, you can “not complain” all you want, but I ain’t scratching the walls for one more minute. Cue a phone call to daddy.
Proud of all the work I’ve done, I lie down on the couch and put headphones on my stomach. I press ‘play’ and soon the baby is jamming to a techno-remix of “Think Of Me”. She l-o-v-e-s it. Or she’s trying to kick the headphones off. Either way, I spend a ridiculously long time staring at my jumping belly thinking “that’s sooo freaky.”
Finally, Pete’s home. He eats the portions of Obelix, so I drive to the supermarket. As it happens, I have a live recording of David’s A.I. performances in the car stereo. And like always, when he sings that one particular part in “In This Moment,” I can’t help but rewind and listen to that sound again. As I press rewind for the 11th time, I’m so focused on listening for the exact, lovely spot that I almost run over a shopping cart.
Now you see? You SEE??? I’m completely blameless. Every place is a secret rendezvous for me and David, but I’M not the one insinuating themselves close to me. Now, with a baby on the way, we really have to stop seeing each other like this, David. I mean it. It’s OVER. Right after I watch the Ramblin’ man vlog one more time….