Leaked report on @DavidArchie’s face reading (not really)

Face Read

As you can see from David Archuleta’s insta stories, he was very very very busy this weekend.

But not too busy to get his face read. Yes, it’s a thing. Learn more here.

Fortunately, our ace investigative team* here at SAz was able to get a look at the reader’s full report, which she filed when this face popped up on her Skype screen.

Screen Shot 2019-05-28 at 9.40.19 PM.png

Face reading for “John Doe”:

Notes: My first impression is that he looks remarkably like David Archuleta. Excuse me one moment (leaves the room to scream at a pitch only dogs can hear).

Eyes: There are two. They don’t lie.

Nose: This is the nose of a true artist. A man who lives and BREATHES… special air that gives him a perpetual glow. A very glowy glow.

Smile:Β  Wait, what was I saying again? Where am? Who am I??

Bone structure: I am a little too not over the symmetry I see here. Very symmetrical. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a fine example of symmetry. It indicates perfection exists on and below the surface. Yes, that’s it. I need to stare more to make sure, however, so please stay on the line. Forever.

Scruff: I’m getting a strong feeling that there’s something called #TeamScruff out there and I have an overwhelming sense that I need to join this team. Not sure what it is BUT I AM SO IN! #TEAMSCRUFF!!!!!

Hair: Is that technically part of the face? It is now. Wow. Just wow. The magnificence of this hair speaks of the magnificence of the man. Am I right, fellow #TeamScruffers??

Dimple:Β Hold. On. A. New. York. Minute. NO ONE told me there was a dimple??? This changes everything. I can’t possibly charge for this session. Can I pay you?? Please, wait! Don’t hang up! I’m a professional here!!!

*connection lost*


*There is no such team.







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11 Responses to Leaked report on @DavidArchie’s face reading (not really)

  1. readtheball says:

    Rofl! How do you think of these? Did you have Nothing Else Better To Do?

  2. janey79 says:

    LOL, gurl, you done lost it. #TeamScruffFTWiiiiin!

  3. angelofdja says:

    #TeamScruff! Too funny πŸ˜‚

  4. GrammyJ says:

    You and David are too funny! #TeamScruff and #TeamHair! And what song is he making a music video in New York?

  5. TaterZen says:

    Priceless–and hilarious–info here! Should have had my face read while I was laughing my way through it.
    Not sure about my stance with #TeamScruff but definitely on your #TeamNotReally.

  6. Spirit says:

    Love it! Another TOfan gem!! Eyes: There are two. They don’t lie. That face is definitely worth studying!

  7. TOfan says:

    eeeep! It be happening!!! Do you guys think it’s for Paralyzed??? *hopes*

  8. Pepper says:

    Love the cuteness, cleverness and hilarity! “TeamScruff” is okay by me. Don’t think you missed a bit of importance on that ‘Face Read’, haha.
    Another music video, nice! He just keeps goin’ goin’…. and it’s great. Will be a nice surprise, I’m sure….Paralyzed? Maybe.
    Nice, sweet exchange with America Ferrara too.
    Thanks for the updates, smiles and laughter. πŸ™‚

  9. Anonymous says:

    LMBO! Too funny! Beware the dimple! heehee

  10. refnaf says:

    Yay!!! Def a #Teamrcruffer here!!! Love the look!!
    This really brightened my day TOfan!!
    I’m thinking it’s gotta be Paralyzed??

  11. rarchiefan says:

    Cute…your words too…;) least we forget the square forehead with widows peak, but the way his hair falls his face looks adorable, I mean round. Lol

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