Top 10 @DavidArchie disguise tips (really)

You know how, right after the indulgence of the holidays, you make a bunch of resolutions to start working out more, managing your time better, setting goals and working toward them? Well, I don’t, but I’ve heard a rumour that some others do that.

And we know from past quiet David Januarys and Februarys (Januaries and Februaries?) that David is BIG on lists and resolutions and the like and does super drastic things like taking social media off his phone so he can be more … what’s that word he loves to use? … productive, that’s it.

Now, clearly, since 2015 was bandied about in a bunch of places as the year when he’d be releasing new music and David doesn’t like to disappoint people… or be late… or get his years mixed up … it’s pretty obvious what he’s busy doing right now… gettin’ busy. His last tweet mentioned “anxiety” … coincidence? I think not.

After all, he does have a bunch of sold-out shows he’s committed to doing, which he probably wants his new music out in advance of, so like, you know, no pressure or anything.

Anywayyyyys, if his quietude means we get any new tunes at all from him, I say, soldier on Mr. Archuleta, you are definitely worth waiting for.

In the meantime, I like to focus on truly important matters. Like, when he gets back on the scene, he’s going to need some new techniques to avoid being swarmed by fans wanting autographs, selfies, hugs, high-fives or just to breathe the same air as D’Arch.

Is his current cap-sunglasses combo stopping peeps from recognizing him?

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tumblr_nufpnyzguq1uohf6ao1_1280

Not so much.

So here, David, free of charge, are some suggestions to help you go in flagrante incognito.

IDEA #1
Clip-on Man Bun. Is this perfect, or what? David could clip this on and NO ONE would ever guess he was the one, the only, David “glows like a night light” Archuleta. BAM.
see-the-clip-on-man-bun-a-hair-extension-that-shouldnt-exist-1

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IDEA #2
This is a little number I like to call “Amish Hoodie” after a hysterically funny episode of a Canadian show I love called Schitt’s Creek. It has feathers across the top, further adding to the disguise. And David likes hoodies, so there you go. Win/Win.
Screen Shot 2016-01-16 at 2.37.09 PM

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IDEA #3
Grizzly Adamschuleta … My personal view is that men should only grow beards if they have a weak chin, or something else to hide… so David clearly is not a good candidate… but disguise potential? High, very high.
david-with-a-beard-pts-by-netterbutter

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IDEA #4
HEY, IT WORKED FOR CLARK KENT!!!!
david-archuleta-wearing-his-sisters-glasses-5-2014

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IDEA #5
I know this is controversial, but I was #TeamBeanie back in the day. Of course, as soon as he flashes that smile, it’s game over disguise-wise.
david-beanie

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IDEA #6
He could go full-on Sia…minus the lipstick of course… although that would really throw off the papparazzi.
Screen Shot 2016-01-16 at 3.02.53 PM

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IDEA #7
Too extreme?
David-Archuleta-since-his-mission-10
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IDEA #8
Again with the hoodies… but I think this one’s a winner. And warm. Looks very warm.
article-2259253-16D099F0000005DC-681_634x744

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IDEA #9
Okay, okay, this one is a little Josh Bradleyesque … and sidenote: that bunny suit didn’t actually work for Josh… but this, um, headwear might cause enough of a distraction to keep his identity under wraps.

I’d advise him not to wear it during hunting season, however.
Screen Shot 2016-01-13 at 3.36.09 PM

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IDEA #10
Saved the best for last. Practical AND effective. Come on you knitters out there, get those needles flying… THE ARCHULETA NEEDS YOU!!!!!
beard-hat
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How about you guys?

Are you happy David’s hunkering down, so to speak, getting down to business? Are you getting ODD withdrawal shakes and DTs? Or are you just worried he’s fallen among the balloons and can’t get up?
Screen Shot 2016-01-16 at 2.58.58 PM
p.s.
Had to add this one… combines his love for hoodies with his penchant for dinosaurs… and he could glide through any flower shop, Korean BBQ or plaid-shirt outlet mall completely unnoticed … you’re welcome, David, most welcome.

Screen Shot 2016-01-19 at 6.33.47 PM

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19 Responses to Top 10 @DavidArchie disguise tips (really)

  1. TaterZen says:

    Whenever I come here I usually crack up laughing at some point. That would be humour with U. Get it? OK, never mind. 😀

    Totally sold on Idea #8, in part because I kind of spit on my monitor when I scrolled to it. There are merits to every disguise featured, but I would like to know what disguise he is using right now. Has anyone spotted him anywhere in the last two weeks? He sure hasn’t come knocking on my door. He must be working 18 hours a day (aka singing) and sleeping at the studio. Yeah, I’m hanging with that concept.

  2. oliveoil says:

    Tofan….#5 whether it works or not !! haha

  3. Harold Weinstein says:

    Knitter get those needles moving ! U slay me Debbie😆!!!

  4. trace says:

    Your last 2 posts have been hilarious!
    But seriously, disguise No.10 would be most effective since his best assets (EYES! and HAIR! and FLAWLESS SKIN!) are hidden. 😀

  5. Grammyj says:

    Thanks so much for this hilarious post!! I laughed out loud. It’s so funny. I’m going with number 10 and I recently bought knitting needles and a book to learn to knit. Wouldn’t that be a hoot to send to David! I hope he is hunkered down finishing up his EP/album. There have been no pictures of him since the one with the girl who had a big smile. That was almost two weeks ago.

  6. peppertara says:

    Oh my goodness, laughed so much at this post! I think some serious knitters out there do need to knit him no. 10 and possibly no. 8. Send them to David for his future disguises and include a very thick, fake moustache to wear with no. 8. LOL. Love your ideas TOfan.
    The clip on man bun is one of my faves too, of course he would have to do away with the cap.
    Yes, David is probably getting ready for some new music, more power to him. He is definitely worth waiting for. Thanks for the hilarity here!

  7. missbianca says:

    Chuckling out loud (really).

    I’m all for number 3 (never happen, will it?), closely followed by numbers 4 and 10. The man-bun made me say, “Ack!” out loud. But then, I sported a Cindy Lou Who look for one day last week. No, there are no photos.

    • Grammyj says:

      Yes to number 3 but you are probably right – it’s never going to happen.

        • amb4da says:

          I was gonna comment on your hilarious post but then you posted rhiminee’s pic…and I got…well… distracted. That authentic smile…
          “or do you think he’s fallen among the balloons and can’t get up”….I’ve run out of ways to tell you, Deb, how much you crack. me. up. 🙂
          As for the D-man….hmmmm. I can’t even guess anymore. But I’m bracing myself….could. be. ANYthing. or….not. We’ll seeeeee.
          ps. I wasn’t necessarily back in the day, but based on that photo…Team Beanie. 😉

  8. NCGirl_Marylee says:

    haha! #6 gets my vote “lipstick & all” ~ now there’s a sure-fire winner! 🙂 STILL cracking up!

  9. TOfan says:

    Cool to read MasterClass Lady’s take on The Prayer:

    I guess you’ll just have to trust me when I say this is the most moving rendition of The Prayer I have ever heard in my entire life of hearing endless upon endless versions of this beautiful David Foster composition.

    And, I suspect, some of you will agree with me and the rest of you – I guess – will have to play the “agree to disagree” game with me. It wouldn’t be the first time. Ha!

    First of all, you rarely, if ever, hear two impeccable MALE vocalists perform this number. It was written for a female/male combo and, up until this point, I have enjoyed this gender collaboration very much.

    However, the pairing of David Archuleta and Nathan Pacheco is nothing short of inspired. Although both possess uniquely distinct voices and come from different stylistic approaches to their music, what binds these two singers is their commitment to really excellent, technically secure and musically cohesive singing.

    Secondly, the arrangement, conceived and created by the very talented Richard Parkinson, showcases the depth, breadth and beauty of their voices while staying true to who they are as artists. Both have incredible ranges and, through this arrangement, we not only have the opportunity to see and hear every gorgeous aspect of their voices, but also see two distinctly different artists performing together while remaining true to their artistic vision. This is very hard to achieve but achieve it they did!

    Rest HERE.

    Plus, did not know Richard Parkinson did the arrangement.

    • NCGirl_Marylee says:

      Didn’t know that either ~ everything MCL said is spot on. Loved it all! She’s so right ~ we will be listening/watching for a years to come!

    • Anonymous says:

      I think MCL may be mistaken on the credit for arrangement. To my knowledge, Richard was not involved in this project at all. The Prayer recording was produced and arranged by Leo-Z, who was also involved with the production of Nathan’s live show in Miami where David and Nathan sang The Prayer together for the first time.

      “Vocals: David Archuleta, Nathan Pacheco

      Piano: Leo-Z
      Cello: Eru Matsumoto

      Recorded by Mike Tacci
      Produced, arranged and mixed by Leo-Z
      Mastering by Eric Boulanger at The Bakery”

      • TOfan says:

        thanks, anon, makes more sense that there was a Nathan connection I guess… lovely arrangement… and by lovely I mean it really showed off David’s voice, lol.

  10. Anonymous says:

    a touching article from Brooke White about the night she forgot the words and had to start over on AI… these are the kind of Idol “insights” I like reading… the ones from actual contestants… just saying 🙂

    https://www.yahoo.com/music/first-person-my-american-idol-experience-by-183600468.html

    • roxfox says:

      L O V E Brooke! That was touching. Makes me do very sad she missed her sisters wedding because of a diva. I’ve heard several times Mariah is like that 😕

  11. roxfox says:

    Bwahaha! Well he certainly needs to work on these since my bro keeps reporting D sightings at his church house. I love how he feels how it’s now his duty to me to do so 😁 Fav is#5. That oughta blend right in with a congregation since he prob sits with the widows anyway. 😉

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