You know how, right after the indulgence of the holidays, you make a bunch of resolutions to start working out more, managing your time better, setting goals and working toward them? Well, I don’t, but I’ve heard a rumour that some others do that.
And we know from past quiet David Januarys and Februarys (Januaries and Februaries?) that David is BIG on lists and resolutions and the like and does super drastic things like taking social media off his phone so he can be more … what’s that word he loves to use? … productive, that’s it.
Now, clearly, since 2015 was bandied about in a bunch of places as the year when he’d be releasing new music and David doesn’t like to disappoint people… or be late… or get his years mixed up … it’s pretty obvious what he’s busy doing right now… gettin’ busy. His last tweet mentioned “anxiety” … coincidence? I think not.
After all, he does have a bunch of sold-out shows he’s committed to doing, which he probably wants his new music out in advance of, so like, you know, no pressure or anything.
Anywayyyyys, if his quietude means we get any new tunes at all from him, I say, soldier on Mr. Archuleta, you are definitely worth waiting for.
In the meantime, I like to focus on truly important matters. Like, when he gets back on the scene, he’s going to need some new techniques to avoid being swarmed by fans wanting autographs, selfies, hugs, high-fives or just to breathe the same air as D’Arch.
Is his current cap-sunglasses combo stopping peeps from recognizing him?
Not so much.
So here, David, free of charge, are some suggestions to help you go in flagrante incognito.
This is a little number I like to call “Amish Hoodie” after a hysterically funny episode of a Canadian show I love called Schitt’s Creek. It has feathers across the top, further adding to the disguise. And David likes hoodies, so there you go. Win/Win.
Grizzly Adamschuleta … My personal view is that men should only grow beards if they have a weak chin, or something else to hide… so David clearly is not a good candidate… but disguise potential? High, very high.
Okay, okay, this one is a little Josh Bradleyesque … and sidenote: that bunny suit didn’t actually work for Josh… but this, um, headwear might cause enough of a distraction to keep his identity under wraps.
How about you guys?
Are you happy David’s hunkering down, so to speak, getting down to business? Are you getting ODD withdrawal shakes and DTs? Or are you just worried he’s fallen among the balloons and can’t get up?
Had to add this one… combines his love for hoodies with his penchant for dinosaurs… and he could glide through any flower shop, Korean BBQ or plaid-shirt outlet mall completely unnoticed … you’re welcome, David, most welcome.