Dear David….

DearDavidDear David,
Thank you so much for your New Year’s message and that note about fan mail. Exactly what I needed to hear.

You’ll be happy to know I have cancelled the cupcake-o-gram and the flashmob and will try my dangdest to put a stop to the daily skywriter. Drats, might be too late to stop the mani-pedi house call.

Thanks also for your recommendation to focus on some of my own commitments for a while. Just the push I needed, David. Not that I don’t have a rewarding life beyond Archiedom. Haha, quite the contrary. I’m quite happy living here in my cardboard box under the bridge. Especially now I can pick up WiFi from the nuclear reactor next door.

There’s such a never-ending list of tasks for me each day … from duct-taping my cellophane windows to taking in orphaned hedgehogs, and making a quilt out of all my lost opportunities … I barely notice you’re even gone.

Over the holidays I may have played your music more than usual but I only received six noise complaints about the loudspeaker system I set up beside the bridge. Not even half as many as last year. Score!!!

Now, with your encouragement I can finally pursue other dreams I’d been putting on hold since Idol. Finishing that crossword I started in 2008, putting all my tofu recipes in alphabetical order and continuing my research on a cure for shingles.

You always know just what to say, David, I’ll miss you but look forward to sharing this person I’ll become in 2014.

Happy New Year!

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62 Responses to Dear David….

  1. Abrra says:

    Brilliant in many ways. πŸ™‚


  2. jackryan4da says:


    Oh my,,,,

  3. You are tooooooooooooooo funny Tofan.

  4. kimak says:

    LOL I LOVE this..
    thank you for making my day.. my week!!

  5. mlpb3 says:

    TOfan – LOL!!!!! You read my mind!!

  6. Angelica says:

    TOfan, you are freaking BRILLIANT!!! LMAO!!!

  7. betsy says:

    I love you Deb.

  8. Abrra says:


    I need to clarify something ( hehe) to explain what I mean when I posted earlier. I merely looked at your article and actually didn’t read the content with all the lines running through. That was all I needed at the time to “get” what you are up to. Now that I came back and have read the whole text, I can only say is

    “B R I L L I A N T X 2!”


  9. VeeBee says:

    This post is brilliance. And it’s also my life. Time to find the non-David-obsessed part of it, if it even exists, which is unlikely because the only reason I’m trying to find it is because David said so.

    • MT says:

      “if it even exists, which is unlikely because the only reason I’m trying to find it is because David said so.”

      LOL perfect!

    • TOfan says:

      β€œif it even exists, which is unlikely because the only reason I’m trying to find it is because David said so.” *DYINGGGGGGGG*

  10. mlpb3 says:

    This is the best post yet!! I had to come back and repeat!

    Abrra – thanks for your “clarification” lol

  11. mlpb3 says:

    VeeBee – lol

  12. KH says:

    Deb, you’ve found the perfect response. Again. I nominate you (if we do a poll for this) for Perfect MissingDArchuWorldTensionDiffusingResponder.

  13. Anonymous says:

    TOfan, the fact that I’m a visual person has me crying here…from the cancelled cupcake-o-gram to
    your research for shingles, NTM your cardboard box by the bridge, etc, etc, this has got to be one of your best. Thanks for brightening my day!!!

  14. Spirit says:

    TOfan……….This post deserves a standing ovation!!! It’s hilarious, perfect, and just what we needed! I can’t begin to tell you how hard I was laughing while reading it. Thank you for adding your own special brand of levity and humor to our Archu-universe!

  15. sweetonda says:

    My pups are moving their heads side to side wondering what that sound is coming from my mouth as I read this post. BWAHAHAHAHAH! This was perfect!

  16. Archugeezer says:

    TOfan, I love your letter to Davidβ€”sweet, succinct, sincere. It is exactly what he (and we) needed to hear.

    P.S. I bow to your genius. Again.

  17. refnaf says:

    Tofan YOU are the best!!!!! This is so funny I almost peed (TMI)

  18. fenfan says:

    Tofan you are the best!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!

  19. Sunny says:

    HILARIOUS!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  20. MT says:

    This had me cracking up. I love the way your mind works. The whole thing is just perfect!

  21. djafan says:

    Tofan, this was perfect. Thanks I needed that lol.

  22. stenocruiser says:

    TOfan — thanks so much — this sure helped the mood around here! Great stuff!

  23. JONERZ says:

    TEN THUMBS UP!!! You’re a hoot!!! LOLz

  24. rohdegirl says:

    Thanks for always finding a way to lighten things up! …..Oh and good luck with your research! LOL

  25. purple1888 says:

    I really needed that loud, sustained laugh to break my tension from the last 2 days! You are hysterical, brilliant, and read my mind. Thanks so much for helping me get through my latest “David crisis”.

  26. jeanut says:

    Loved, loved, loved it. Canceled the Skywriter ha ha.

  27. angelofdja says:

    TOfan, I was losing my mind wondering WTH? Then you posted this! Bwahahaha! No further explanation was needed… πŸ˜‰

  28. SandyBeaches says:

    Oh TOfan, you must know by now how much we needed that! No better way to express our innermost emotions, haha.

    On average each of us will be reading it twice at least. Such therapy!!

    You have had it now, we will be relying upon your therapy writing in the future no doubt!!


  29. peppertara says:

    Oh my TOfan….hilarious brilliance!! Must read again. Thank you for this, just what I needed, it’s been a rough week.
    I nominate you as surrogate stress reliever in DavidArchie’s absence. πŸ™‚

  30. hazel says:

    Wow. I can never say enough of that. Really touching… I hope we can ALL share the person we become in 2014 together in the ArchuWorld… And David will be even more proud of us too…

  31. betsy says:

    You know, I DO bust a move when I’m blasting the music, up in my room.

  32. violet4ever says:

    Haha – I love it. πŸ™‚

  33. djxox says:

    ….WAIT!! …is the flashmob REALLY off?? All those Zumba classes for nothing??? And the extra charge for that ASAP passport?? Well I don’t see a “Not Really” so I guess there is still hope, eh Snowangelzz?? πŸ™‚

    • Angelica says:

      Oh and you’re darned right it’s too late to cancel the mani pedi housecall! Got my non-refundable passport and all my equipment packed! I want to be fully reimbursed or you can talk to my solicitor, TOfan. nvm…I do for free. πŸ™‚

    • TOfan says:

      ((((((dj)))))) … I would pay big bucks to see you in a Zumba flashmob! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† … ROTFLOLOL Angelica

      • Anonymous says:

        Lolz TOfan…I’d do anything to drag you out from under that bridge! πŸ™‚ Anything for The Archuleta, I am committed… πŸ™‚ Is it 2014 yet?

      • Anonymous says:

        hmmm… Apparently I have entered the poster protection program??? It’s me, dj. πŸ™‚

    • TOfan says:

      “poster protection program” bahahahahahaha… oh how I’ve missed you, dj!!!

  34. Lisa - TxArchie says:

    Oh my goodness this is hilarious!! Thank you for saying the things that most of us want to say, but can’t. We just don’t have the writing gift. I know that I need to “Get A Life”. Please……someone, anyone….come up with a cure for ODD!!!

  35. Kizzi says:

    TOfan, just checking in and had to do a little research cuz at first I didn’t get it…other dad’gum pesky commitments keeping me so busy…and per usual, you are a witty and amazing writer. What a hoot! …

    • Abrra says:

      It was much adieu about nothing from Kari. After reading this article i could hear the voice of Emily Litella from SNL saying ” Nevermind!” hehe


      • Kizzi says:

        Thanks Abrra. And great idea, we can start a grass roots lobby to promote TOfan as writer for SNL…just imagine…. πŸ˜€

      • Spirit says:

        Abrra…….Haha! A blast from the past! Emily Litella… of my favorite SNL characters! I still say “Nevermind!” from time to time.

      • betsy says:

        Emily Litella lolololol. <33

    • SandyBeaches says:

      Ah Kizzi, I was looking for your name last night and thinking about you. It is nice to see you taking a break from your ‘commitments’ to drop by. Do I dare say that word anymore?

      My favourite part is …”making a quilt out of my lost opportunities”…but then “taking in orphaned hedgehogs”, is very special to me!


  36. TOfan says:

    LOLing here reading all your comments… I was actually afraid to poke my head out, hahahaha <333333333333333333

    off-topic but cool look back at "Climb Every Mountain" from Masterclass Lady HERE … did not realize D. had sung that on Star Search!

    …and is today JR4DA’s b-day??? Happy Birthday, JR!!!!!!!! For you!

  37. Anonymous says:

    h.y.s.t.e.r.i.c.a.l. …and this “look forward to sharing this person I’ll become in 2014.”… your photos you look so unsuspecting TOfan…. who could have imagined the brilliantly-twisted-mind that lurks behind.

    Have a special Happy Birthday JR! You deserve it!

    (betsy, I β™₯ your avi)

    TOfan, thank you thank you for those Climb Every Mountain videos… they leave me tearful and moved and inspired. β™₯

  38. MT says:

    Thanks once again for this. I have saved the link in my favorites so I can come back and read it any time I need a good laugh.

    THIS >> “I’m quite happy living here in my cardboard box under the bridge. Especially now I can pick up WiFi from the nuclear reactor next door.” << kills me every time! LOLOL

    • SandyBeaches says:

      Thanks MT for the reminder to save the link.

      With any hope, there will be an update sometime on how life goes on ‘under the bridge’ …


  39. Harold Weinstein says:

    Your humor is overwhelming to me. Your talent is fabulous . This post kills me I am
    Laughing so hard . Watch out for the cops when you blast those CDs under the bridge.
    I nominate you for head Archie- comedian.
    Love your sense of humor !!!!!!!

  40. betsy says:

    Oh, I just remembered that someone needs to say this.
    “Curtseying in the presence of greatness”

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