Uncle @DavidArchie Survival Guide (not really)

Are you ready for Uncle David?

No, seriously, are you ready???

As Batya put it so well:

I feel it is my public duty to make sure everyone is fully prepared for the onslaught of cuteness and second-generation awwchuletaness that we are about to be subjected to.

This is not to be taken lightly, people. Come Spring 2014, we will be a quivering mass of two-year-drought neediness. Couple that with glimpses — or *gasp* vlogs! — of David holding little Violeta and, well, just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So here’s an Uncle Archie primer designed to prepare you for the inevitable so you’ll be moderately able to function when Tío starts spamming us with Cuteness Overload baby pics.

First, a basic tolerance test. Do you find this cute?

tumblr_mok59115211r3gb3zo1_250

If you answered yes, keep going.

If you answered no, hook up with Dorothy and the Scarecrow, ’cause you need a heart, my friend.

Uncle Archie Survival Guide Step 1:

Watch this until you no longer hold out your hands the same time D’Arch does. (Nothing he hates more than when someone fumbles a baby.)

Here it is again in slo-mo in case you need more practice…

x2_805758f

Step 2:

Repeat after me: “This is only mildly adorable. This is only mildly adorable.”

ella-o
If you inadvertently made a whimpering sound, go back to Step 1.

Step 3:

Try to focus on the kid … the short one… the REALLY short one…

backstage

I said focus!!! I see you glancing to the left then back over to the right!!!!!

Step 4:

Stare at this until it becomes obvious that it was all staged in an act of shameless self-promotion for the row of Glad Christmas Tidings on display.

david-archuleta-and-a-baby

(If you immediately thought, “What GCT display?” I really don’t think I can help you.)

Step 4:

Always remember that David is merciless in his cute photo ops. He may pull something totally unexpected so you best be ready for anything, even this:

zoo-a-palooza-21As soon as he gets home, he’ll likely be working on his Eagle Scout babysitting badge, so steel yourself NOW!

Step 4:

Also be prepared for all manner of distractions, in addition to his little niece … like beanies:

Cropdavid-archuleta-joy-williams-her-husband-nate-and-their-baby

Tots in puffy coats….
baby-faith-and-david-archuleta

Dr. Seuss hats…

david-archuleta-reading-4-kids-at-an-elementary-school-2

Swanky vests….

DSCN4775

Baseball garb…

113172957

Geckos…

david-zooapalooza-gecko

beware them all!

Step 5:

If the David-holding-baby pics get too much for you, take a break, take a walk, watch a Chuckie movie, or just flip back through old pre-Uncle pics, like this one:

whereIsHerOtherHand

“Wait… Where is her other hand?”

You can thank me later.

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12 Responses to Uncle @DavidArchie Survival Guide (not really)

  1. Haroldcpim says:

    Debbi I’m on the floor this is do funny that I almost “p” in my pants . I do not know who you come up with your ideas but don’t stop 2014 is right around the corner.

  2. ray says:

    step 3 brought out a large giggle from me fan asked whats so funny lol you caught me looking lol

  3. I have probably looked at the pic in step 4 hundreds of times before, I have NEVER noticed the GCT DVDs. Sigh, I’m in trouble!

  4. dangitdavid says:

    “…hook up with Dorothy and the Scarecrow ’cause you need a heart, my friend…” :D :D :D. Went all downhill from here for me…laughing so dang hard!!! Definitely made the whimpering sound…had to go back to Step 1 lolol. This whole post made me snort and giggle…I’m definitely not prepared for this!! Will have to come back to this post many times over the next few months and study it over and over :). Thank you again D for the laugh…these posts make my day!!

  5. Archugeezer says:

    David and babies? Uncle David? C’mon, TOfan, you’re not playing fair now. I overdosed on Step 4.

    It’s obvious that David loves kids and we love David loving the kids. He is so natural with them and seems totally fascinated/amused/entertained by everything they do. And of course they love him right back. Remember this?

  6. missbianca says:

    Wonderful, delightful, creative, laugh-out-log blog!
    But somehow, I don’t think I am prepared. Or really any of us. First photo with tiny Violetta and David and we are all going to be gonners. On-the-floor. What I really ought to be practicing is getting up off the floor, ain’t easy at my age.

  7. oliveoil says:

    David, why are you cuter than the babies?

  8. refnaf says:

    kkkkkk>>>>>> I AM NOT READY FOR THIS

  9. TOfan says:

    off-topic but the lovely betsy alerted me to this mp3 that the wonderful Abrra made of OHN from SLC (don’t worry, this one is only the song :) ) … it’s so raw and emotional and beautiful … and also the first time I’ve ever heard it, for obvious reasons. Download HERE.

  10. emmegirl14 says:

    You always put the biggest smile on my face :)
    (and it’s effect can last for days)

    Gracias.

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